I hate the way he keeps appearing in my mind. Not in a “I miss him” way, but in a way that makes me roll my eyes at myself or bang my head against the wall. It amazes me how he sneaks into thoughts I believed were mine only.
I don’t want him back. It’s just so irritating, I keep promising myself I’m done and yet here he is having a seat at the table when he doesn’t deserve one.
I’m the one who has to fight these thoughts, who has to push them away, who has to fill days with books, movies, walks. But somehow, he’s always there, uninvited, occupying space that only belongs to me.
My friends notice I talk nonsense about him, and maybe they don’t understand, but it’s not about him, it’s about me, struggling to keep my head clear, to protect my peace.
I hate him. or myself.
I want peace.
what part of me is still holding on?
2 Responses
first of all you’re so real for bringing up Jeff Buckley. second of all, WELCOME TO THE CLUB. მეც მსგავსი გზა გამოვიარე და ერთადერთს გეტყვი, it’s all natural, რასაც შენ ახლა განიცდი (წარმოდგენას ან / და ფაქტს რომ ისევ მასზე ფიქრებს ეჭიდები) არის ის აუცილებელი ეტაპი რაც გავიარე სიმშვიდის ფაზამდე მისასვლელად. keep going, and yes, its all about you, not him, or the relationship that was between you two. it was always about you and will be and has to be!. im here if you wanna talk more, anytime, any way you want to connect 🙂 <3
Thankss a lot :))